Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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