Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
