i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
