i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
