I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
