I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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