sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
