Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize