there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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