I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
