im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
