dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So many bounce houses so little time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
there is glitter all over my balls
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
