First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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