Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
