can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
