I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
