thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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