thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
