Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
