I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
