So drunk its hurt
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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