i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
