Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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