You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
