I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
