how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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