just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
