You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
