I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
