She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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