We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize