That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
