it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
