I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
