Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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