I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
