so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
