Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize