I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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