My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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