my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
