i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
