I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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