I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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