what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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