This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So vagazzling was a success
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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