He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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