Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
