i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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