I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
