i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
