i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
