every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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