i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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