apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This is classic penis vs brain.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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