Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
