My first STD was from a foam party
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize