If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize