Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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