last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
