I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
