I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
