So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
