just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
