My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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