i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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