At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
