Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
