Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
