yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize