when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
