Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
