I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
