I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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