I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
