I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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