Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize