Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
