Buhtt sex?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
