I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
