Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
