After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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