The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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