I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
