just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
