Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize