there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
