jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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