I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm passing your future prison.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
