Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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