I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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