do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
