the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
