Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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