C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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