i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
