he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
