I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
