When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
