My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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