The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
